So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
