why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do vagina's smell?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
