note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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