would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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