Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
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