Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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