sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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