so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This show inspires me to have sex in space
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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