He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
