Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will be naked everywhere
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
