The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
