I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
