dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize