Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
