ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
