Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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