i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
