i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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