just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
