i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
