i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
