There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize