two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
