I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
