I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am mentally ready for anal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
