So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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