exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
