I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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