real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
