I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
