it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize