I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
