How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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