I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
