She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
