I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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