you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
