I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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