I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
