i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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