i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Still dying that you shit outside
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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