You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
