Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
