I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
