Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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