I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
