i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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