The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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