So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
