still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
