By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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