Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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