well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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