don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
