the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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