You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
