I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will pee on everything he values.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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