At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
