No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
