My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
