I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
