it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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