I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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