I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
