I seem to have left my pride at pride
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
