My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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