I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
