you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
