i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
